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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29047611">Hold My Hand</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CethlyArlo/pseuds/CethlyArlo'>CethlyArlo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, For Science!, Memories, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, The Last of Us Spoilers, Therapy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:22:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,180</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29047611</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CethlyArlo/pseuds/CethlyArlo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being the only known immune person on the face of the planet, the cure for the Cordyceps infection has always loomed over Ellie's head, and nearly two years after returning to Jackson, hope for a vaccine is rekindled in secret. Perhaps death is not always the answer.</p><p>Or... Ellie and Dina receive a chance to expand their family as well as contribute to the efforts towards creating a cure.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dina &amp; Ellie &amp; JJ (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie &amp; Joel (The Last of Us)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue- A Proposition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello!</p><p>This was originally meant to be a one-shot, because I've never written one before and I wanted to try my hand at it, but it's going to be a bit longer than that I think, so here's the prologue. This was an idea a friend of mine had and I have a science-y trashfire brain that can make it at least passable as a legitimate... thing. I hope you all like it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"If an expectant mother is found to have developed organ damage, more often than not will a fleet of fetal stem cells migrate to help heal the damaged area. This happens through a process called <em> Fetomaternal Microchimerism</em>. These cells can last for up to decades within the mother’s body."</p><p>Ellie watched the speaker, a woman named Doctor Suzan Wurlitzer, with nauseated interest. </p><p>"That may be simulated in a laboratory setting. <em> Fetomaternal Microchimerism </em> is observed where a pregnant mouse receives an induced injury to the heart. Scientists were then able to trace the path of fetal cells through the body and observe the reactions that led to this conclusion."</p><p>Wurlitzer straightened with a smile. "This, I propose, is how we create a vaccine." Her gaze fell to Ellie who froze in her seat, barely breathing. "Now, the event of <em> Fetomaternal Microchimerism </em> is specific to expectant mothers, however, fetal stem cells are powerful things. If we are to reverse engineer them and examine the genetics and qualities that cause the Cordyceps immunity, a vaccine is very possible."</p><p>Not for the first time did Ellie feel completely alone in a room full of people. She felt Dina squeeze her hand. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to." She whispered in Ellie's ear. </p><p>"I know…" </p><p>"There is a 'but' coming, right?" </p><p>"Yeah." Ellie nodded as her gaze fell to the floor. </p><p>"My partner and I propose to begin these experiments in a month's time once we have our equipment prepared and the rest of the materials required. We wish to thank Maria for her hospitality, flexibility, kindness, and care for allowing us to stay and contribute to Jackson's community- <em> our </em> community, over the past year while we work on this <em> groundbreaking </em> project. Thank you." </p><p><em> Applause </em> echoed through the room of ten people. Jackson's scientific community, while small, were all in attendance as they had agreed to help the cause which was kept so deeply in secret. Doctor Wurlitzer and her partner, Doctor James Read, were rather new as they had only been in Jackson for close to a year. </p><p>Ellie's hand tightened around Dina's a moment before she let go to join in on the applause, knowing it would be disrespectful to not participate.</p><p>Wurlitzer stepped down off of the makeshift speaker's pedestal, and Doctor Read followed shortly behind her, as he had already spoken. Everyone in the room, including Ellie and Dina, stood up with the rest of the applause.</p><p>The room seemed to swell and breathe as people began to move to congregate and participate in conversation, but Ellie sank back into her cold metal chair. She ran a hand through her hair- now longer as it fell just past her collarbones- and took a quiet moment to herself as she reflected on every decision leading up to this point. <em> Coming back to Jackson as she continued to fall deeper into darkness. Pulling herself out with Maria's help and the aid of a therapist. Making amends with Dina. Becoming friends again. Watching their rekindled relationship bud and grow in a healthier manner over the past one and half years- a year after her return. Watching JJ grow and learn and become the person he is today. Finding light in the shadows that still lurked behind her eyes at night. </em></p><p>Dina sat next to her and laid a hand on her back then rubbed circles into the warm expanse. "I'm here, El." She said softly like the whisper of a secret almost. </p><p>"I feel like I'm suffocating…" Ellie replied quietly and swallowed, though found her throat was dry.</p><p>"Let's go outside?" Dina asked and a nod was her only confirmation. </p><p>Together they stood and did their best to slip out into the frigid night air unnoticed.</p><p>It wasn't enough though, and from her corner of the room, Suzan Wurlitzer's gaze softened with worry. She waited a few minutes to follow, knowing Ellie suffered many afflictions of the mind and probably needed the private moment. They were asking a lot of her and her family.</p><p>With a gesture to excuse herself, Suzan headed off in the direction she saw the young couple follow, and when she came to the door that led to the back of the building, she opened it and slipped out. Her eyes needed to adjust, and once she did, she noticed Ellie and Dina were talking quietly to each other. Ellie was draped against the wall, her shoulders hunched while Dina stood next to her. They both looked up and pushed themselves into a standing position to greet her.</p><p>"Hey… I noticed you two leave and I wanted to check to make sure you were both okay." Her voice was gentle and careful.</p><p>"Yeah… I'm alright." Ellie said softly, though she didn't sound confident. Dina only nodded.</p><p>Wurlitzer hesitated, working her jaw a few times before she spoke again. "Ellie… I know this is a lot to ask, and I thank you for agreeing, though while the scientist in me says that your consent is enough, the human in me is having trouble watching you struggle to be okay with what we have to do. I know it's a little on the later side to back out, but I want to offer it to you regardless." She played with the ring on her finger and Ellie watched the absent fidgeting for a long, quiet moment before looking at Dina, a question in her eyes. </p><p>"It's up to you, El. I'm here to support you either way." Dina spoke softly as she rubbed her partner's shoulder and bicep. </p><p>With a quiet sigh that seemed to relive a lot of the tension, Ellie turned back to the scientist and shook her head. "I'm not backing out. I <em> need </em> to do this."</p><p>Wurlitzer nodded. "Very well. Like I said, we'll need about a month to prepare. In that time, carry on with your normal rotations and like always, this operation stays a secret. Thankfully, James and I will be pulled from our own rotations to work on this full-time, so a month may be overestimating the mark." She smiled, then frowned slightly. "We have a few donors to choose from, so if both of you would like to have a hand in that portion, please feel free to stop by. It would be best to set a date for introductions and interviews if you wanted, but we also have portfolios created for them if you'd rather read through their statistics. I'm doing my best to give you both as much freedom as I can."</p><p>Ellie's eyes had almost glazed over. She was exhausted and it was getting late. "Thank you… that means a lot. Please continue the transparency as well. It helps." She said with more confidence than before.</p><p>"Of course. Always." Suzan smiled and bowed slightly. "If you want, there are some refreshments inside still, but if you wish to head home now, that's okay too."</p><p>Ellie froze for a second, then looked to Dina. "Your turn." She smiled wearily, though she tried her best to hide it. If Dina hadn't known her so well, she wouldn't have picked up on it.</p><p>"I think going home would be best. Please tell the others that our departure wasn't meant to be disrespectful at all, only that the preservation of health and wellness was necessary as we both need rest. Our rotations tomorrow are early ones." Dina offered a smile and Suzan seemed to relax.</p><p>"Very well. Thank you both for coming this evening, and I look forward to working with you both further." A bow of the head instead of a slight bend at the waist this time.</p><p>"If you need us, you know our address. See you soon." Dina smiled. </p><p>"See you soon." Ellie repeated. </p><p>"Alright then. Take care now. If you need me, you know my address as well." Wurlitzer smiled, then waved as she departed, leaving Ellie and Dina to themselves in the silence which pulsed and breathed. It grew menacing as the darkness slipped in and Ellie closed her eyes. </p><p>"C'mon. Let's go home." Dina smiled and tugged on Ellie's jacket.</p><p>"M'kay…" Ellie mumbled and by subconscious habit, sidled up close to Dina, wrapping an arm around her waist. </p><p>The calmer quietness of the night slipped in around them as they walked home together. JJ was staying with Robin, so they had the night together, which was a rare, but often pleasant occasion. Tonight was a little different, though.</p><p>"Are you alright?" Dina asked softly and Ellie nodded.</p><p>"Yeah… just…" she tossed the words around in her mouth as she contemplated what to say. "I'm just thinking."</p><p>Dina rubbed the hand wrapped around her side- Ellie's right hand- then closed her fingers around her partner's wrist. "About?" </p><p>Ellie's shoulders sank slightly, letting her guard down. "I'm… they're asking me to have a baby and I'm not really ready for it. I know we talked about it extensively, but… are you still okay with expanding our family?" The anxiety remained and Dina stopped walking, pulling Ellie close.</p><p>"Of course I'm okay with it, Ellie." Dina reached up to press her palm to her partner's cheek. "Do you not want to?"</p><p>She swallowed thickly and looked down. "I'm just nervous, that's all." </p><p>"Why?" Dina's voice was soft and soothing… and Ellie gave her a frank look because they've been over this before. It was an exercise now more than anything in getting Ellie to open up a little bit.</p><p>However… she didn't want to tell Dina how vulnerable being pregnant would make her feel; how insecure and afraid. She didn't like asking for help, but she knew she would need support in order to stay above water. She feared for the vivid dreams she watched Dina have that woke her in the night while they were living together on their farm. She feared for the feeling of <em> something </em> that <em> shifted </em> and <em> kicked </em>within her. She feared for not being able to move with the agility she's always had. She feared she wouldn't be able to take care of her family, and she felt selfish for fearing those things. </p><p>Instead of adding voice to the thoughts within her mind, Ellie shook her head and buried her face in Dina's shoulder. "I'm worried about being infected." She admitted instead. That too was a legitimate fear. "What it'll do to the baby." She winced at how casually she used the term. </p><p><em> A baby</em>.</p><p>Ellie closed her eyes as a spike of fear gnawed at her stomach and was thankful for the circles Dina rubbed into her back.</p><p>"It might heal you. The infection." Dina pointed out. "<em>Fetomaternal Microchimerism. </em>" She smiled and pulled away to find Ellie's eyes were more red than before when they were at the presentation, even in the dusk evening light.</p><p>"C'mon. Let's go home and get some rest." She murmured and wrapped her arm around Ellie's waist.</p><p>"Okay…" </p><p>"Good." Dina hummed and led them back to their cottage for some much needed downtime.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Procedure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yes, this is short, but I'm keeping this super casual. It's really just for fun as I ponder and piddle.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ellie winced as Doctor Wurlitzer removed the devices from within her body, leaving her feeling slightly achy. </p><p>"You're all done." She said happily as she helped Ellie's legs down from the stirrups attached to the examination table. "Everything went smoothly." She smiled.</p><p>"That's good." Ellie responded in a faint voice as she did her best to cover herself with the smock she was told to change into. "Am I… um…?" She swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. "Am I pregnant now?" She felt Dina squeeze her trembling hand.</p><p>Wurlitzer smiled and shook her head. "No, not yet. It'll take a few days for conception to occur. Just be patient. We can test you in two weeks though, so for now just rest and make sure to eat healthily. Don't forget your prenatal vitamins and your hormonal treatments. Don't stop taking those until you're all out, okay?" </p><p>Ellie nodded and her gaze fell to the tiled floor. "Okay." She looked up at Dina and gave a nervous smile. </p><p>"Wonderful. Do either of you have any questions?" She asked the two women who sat before her. </p><p>"No… thank you." Ellie said quietly.</p><p>"How long do we wait between visits?" Dina asked. "Assuming this procedure is successful the first try." </p><p>Wurlitzer nodded. "To begin, I'd like to see you once a week for the first few weeks to check your vitals and your levels, Ellie, when it comes to being infected. After that, assuming all is and remains normal, then I'd like to see you once a month." </p><p>Dina nodded. "How soon will you need to draw amniotic fluid again?"</p><p>"After the first trimester. More specifically, around four months." Wurlitzer smiled as she turned to organize her cart of equipment. "Anything else? I'd be happy to answer any other questions you may have."</p><p>"I can't think of any." Ellie responded quickly.</p><p>"Me too, thank you for all your help."</p><p>"Oh, no problem. If you need anything at all, please come back to see me." She smiled. "Other than that, you're both all good to go."</p><p>Dina smiled and nodded, then looked at Ellie. </p><p>"I'm all good." She said softly and Dina rubbed her back supportively.</p><p>"Well, alright. Come back in two weeks and we'll test you to see if we're successful." Wurlitzer smiled and stood from the chair she was sitting on. </p><p>"Oh wait." Dina said urgently. "Is there anything we can do to help improve our chances of conceiving?"</p><p>The doctor nodded. "Plenty of rest these first few days and a balanced diet. Keeping your levels of stress down is also important. You can continue to work, though please stay away from anything physically strenuous."</p><p>Ellie nodded. "Thank you." Her voice cracked slightly. </p><p>"You're more than welcome." </p><p>The air about the room stiffened, then relaxed and Wurlitzer left so Ellie could change. </p><p>Instead, Ellie just sat there, still as stone in the partial silence that was her and Dina's existence in the same room.</p><p>"Hey…" she whispered softly to her partner and leaned over to press a kiss to Ellie's cheek. "You did good, baby." </p><p>"Mhm…" Ellie responded absently in much the same volume before releasing a long sigh. "Oh my god." She whispered shakily and leaned forwards to hold her head in her hands. </p><p>"What? What's wrong?" Dina's concern was instant and Ellie felt her go stiff.</p><p>"Dina, I might get pregnant…" her breathing became frantic and Dina moved to wrap her in a warm embrace. "I might… oh my god…" </p><p>"Shh, shh, it's alright. It's alright, Sweetheart. I've got you. Breathe. C'mon. With me." Dina drew in a deep breath as Ellie's own breathing remained frantic and shallow.</p><p>"Ellie." </p><p>"I-I'm not… ready… I'm not… Dina?" She murmured into her partner's shoulder. "I'm so sorry." </p><p>"Nope, no. Come on, Ellie, you need to breathe." Dina urged and Ellie drew in a deep breath, causing her entire body to shake violently with it.</p><p>"That's good, love. You're doing good. C'mon, again." Dina encouraged as Ellie released the breath she was holding and drew in another one. </p><p>"It feels… I feel…" Ellie started, then shivered and closed her eyes. "Out of control."</p><p>"Sweetheart… it's okay to feel out of control. It's okay." She spoke low and comfortingly.</p><p>"I might… get pregnant, Dina. I have no control over if I do or if I don't, and if I do, there are so many things that could go wrong." She said along an exhale and drew in another, deep breath.</p><p>"And so many that could go right." Dina reminded her. "I think you both are going to be fine. The baby's gonna pull through and get made, and then they'll pull through again past the first few months where the risk of miscarriage is higher. If this kid is from you, El, they can withstand anything… you're practically industrial." Dina smiled and rested her forehead against Ellie's as she let out a soft huff of laughter. </p><p>"Good one." Ellie murmured and pressed a kiss to Dina's lips, though her intense gaze was still full of stress and worry.</p><p>Dina nuzzled her cheek and tightened her grip. "It'll be okay, baby. Trust me." She pulled away to gaze into Ellie's green eyes. </p><p>Ellie nodded and buried her face in Dina's shoulder, holding her there for a moment before letting go. "Okay…" she nodded again. "Okay…" </p><p>"Good." Dina whispered. "C'mon. Let's go home." She smiled. "Watch a movie… eat and relax. We have the whole house to ourselves. JJ will be with Robin and Lee for the rest of the day, y'know." </p><p>"Yeah…" Ellie replied quietly and worked to stand.</p><p>"Here." Dina kissed her cheek and moved to the other side of the room, then picked up Ellie's clothes and brought them to her. "I'll help you out." </p><p>Thankfully, Ellie did as she was told and slid off the bed, then lifted her arms. Dina helped her remove her smock, then handed her the rest of her clothes. </p><p>It wasn't long before Ellie was fully dressed and on her way home. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you liked this chapter, though short as it is. The chapters may get longer after this. I'm used to writing much longer chapters.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Changes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Is Momma okay?" JJ asked while Dina was tucking him in.</p><p>"What do you mean, Love?" She asked.</p><p>"She's not… being normal." He frowned, trying to find the right words. "Upset-sad." His lips turned down and Dina sighed.</p><p>"Well, she's got a lot on her mind, buddy. Sometimes it's hard to show that you're happy when you have a lot on your mind."</p><p>"Grandpa Joel?" </p><p>Dina felt her heart squeeze. "No, buddy, I don't think so. I need to talk to her and see how we can help." She kissed his forehead. "She'll be alright, JJ. I promise." A smile touched her lips. "Nighty night, buddy."</p><p>"M'kay. Night night, Mommy." JJ said softly as he snuggled down further under the covers. "Make sure Momma's okay." </p><p>"Of course, Sweetheart." Dina said as she stood. She turned off his light. "Love you, JJ." </p><p>"Love you more, Mommy." He whispered as he closed his eyes.</p><p>Dina smiled and watched him for a moment before closing his door, cracking it so that if he called, they'd hear him.</p><p>She walked back downstairs and into the kitchen because Ellie had volunteered to wash the dishes. Instead, the kitchen was empty, causing concern to well up in Dina's throat.</p><p>"Ellie?" She called quietly as she walked fully into the kitchen. The sink was still full of bubbles and half-washed dishes. The table was still clean from when they wiped up after supper and the lights were still on. </p><p>She looked around and noticed the back door was open and a soft breeze filtered cold air into the house. Dina shivered and walked over to it. She poked her head out and her shoulders sagged. "Hey." She stepped out onto the back porch and closed the door behind her.</p><p>"Hi." Ellie sighed. She was curled up against the house with a trash can nestled between her knees. She looked tired.</p><p>Dina knelt and sat next to her and her heart sank when Ellie shuddered and leaned over the trash can and vomited. "It's getting worse, isn't it?" </p><p>"Yeah… I think." Ellie wiped her mouth and closed her eyes as Dina wrapped her fingers around Ellie's other hand.</p><p>"Here. Let's get some ginger tea. It'll help you with the nausea. Are you okay to get up?" </p><p>Ellie frowned and shifted, then winced. Her free hand went to her stomach to hopefully help stop the churning, but it unfortunately did nothing. "Nope…" she managed before dry heaving into the bucket. Dina rubbed her back and squeezed the hand she still held.</p><p>"JJ is worried about you." She said gently. "He told me to make sure you were okay." </p><p>"'M fine. It's just morning sickness." Ellie shuddered again and stared out into their back yard.</p><p>"It's already really bad, El. We need to go see Doctor Wurlitzer or Doctor Read."</p><p>Ellie shook her head. "I'm fine."</p><p>"It's been like this since before you got tested. I think you're losing weight." </p><p>With a heavy sigh, Ellie rubbed her forehead as a flush of warmth ran through her despite the cold. "I'm not going."</p><p>"Why? It's for the health of you and the baby." Dina rubbed Ellie's hand.</p><p>"W-what if… what if I'm not okay?" She said in a small voice. "What if something bad happens? What if I'm losing the baby?" Her body trembled and she wiped her eyes.</p><p>"All reasons to go, but Ellie, you're not losing the baby. Morning sickness is normal. Are you bleeding?" </p><p>"N-no." </p><p>"Do you have any pain in your lower abdomen?" </p><p>"No."</p><p>"Do you have a fever?"</p><p>"I-I don't think so." Ellie looked worried as she brushed a stray hair out of her face.</p><p>"Then the baby's okay. We should still go to seek guidance on the nausea and vomiting, though. I'm worried about you too." </p><p>Ellie sighed and closed her eyes. "Okay… I'll go." She rubbed her belly and looked down at herself. "Can we go next week when we're there for a check-up?"</p><p>"No. We're gonna go tomorrow first thing. Better sooner rather than later in case there is something wrong, which I highly doubt. I just don't want you to suffer, Sweetheart."</p><p>"What about JJ?" Ellie asked. "If we take him, he'll know what's wrong and it's not safe to tell him." </p><p>"We'll just tell him you're getting checked out to make sure you're alright. We don't have to tell him yet." </p><p>Ellie nodded, then leaned over and rested her head on Dina's shoulder. "Are you cold?"</p><p>"Not when you're next to me." Dina smiled. "But I think we should go inside. You need to get some rest."</p><p>Ellie frowned. "I've been home all day." </p><p>"Right: locked in the bathroom after every meal you eat." Dina corrected and Ellie sighed.</p><p>"I can't help it." She said quietly, sounding beyond defeated.</p><p>"I know… it'll get better in time, I promise." Dina rubbed her knee. "Here, leave that there. Let's go upstairs."</p><p>"M'kay…" Ellie sighed. "I need to brush my teeth."</p><p>"And I'm sure you'll feel better once you've done that. It used to help me when I was pregnant with JJ and dealing with the nausea." Dina said as she stood, still holding onto Ellie’s hand to help her up. </p><p>When Ellie was standing, Dina pulled her into a tight hug to both help stabilize her and to simply hold her for a moment. It had truly been a long day, riddled with hours spent leaning over either a trash can or a commode to empty the contents of her stomach. She trembled involuntarily in Dina's arms, but that might've been from the cold as well as general exhaustion.</p><p>"You're doing so well and I'm so proud of you." Dina smiled as she pulled away to look Ellie in the eyes. Her voice softened. "I know you're scared baby, but you're handling it so, so well." She pressed a kiss to Ellie's cheek. "Just keep talking to me and everything'll be okay."</p><p>Ellie nodded and flinched slightly at the feeling of Dina's knuckles brushing against her lower abdomen. "C'mon. Let's go to bed." She said softly and again, Ellie nodded. Her hand drifted to her belly and Dina felt reluctant to let go.</p><p>"The dishes-" </p><p>"Will get done tomorrow morning, don't worry." Dina said as she tugged Ellie inside.</p><p>"Okay…"</p><p>"Exactly." Dina smiled as she guided her partner up the stairs, which was a trip taken in silence.</p><p>Ellie moved on autopilot as she brushed her teeth and slipped into her nightwear. Dina had already completed those tasks and was curled up in bed by the time Ellie joined her. </p><p>They settled together; Ellie on her back while Dina rested against her side. Her hand slid up under Ellie's shirt and she rubbed soft circles across her pale skin.</p><p>"The baby's alright, El. Healthy and happy. Right here." Dina smiled into her neck when Ellie brought her free hand, her left hand, up to meet Dina's.</p><p>"It still doesn't feel real." She murmured softly. "I'm seven weeks pregnant… and it doesn't feel real." </p><p>"I know what you mean, but just wait. You'll feel it soon." Dina smiled. "It'll get better once we tell JJ. Oh, I think he's gonna be so excited." </p><p>"What if he's not…?" Ellie asked quietly.</p><p>"Then he's going to have to deal with it." Dina huffed a laugh and nuzzled closer. "I'm sure he'll like it though, having a baby brother or sister." </p><p>Ellie offered a smile that wasn't exactly genuine, but it was enough to make her feel like she tried.</p><p>"Try to sleep, babe. I know you're tired." Dina's voice was soft, though growing heavy with sleep.</p><p>"I'll do my best." Ellie mumbled as she closed her eyes and settled further into the bed.</p><p>"That's all I could hope for." Dina smiled as she drifted further into sleep. Ellie reached up and turned off her light, moving carefully so as to not disturb Dina.</p><p>The room fell dark and Ellie closed her eyes, hoping to dip into the world of peaceful dreams.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Here's another I had in the works that needed about two more sentences before I posted it. Finished it this morning. I hope you all like it :)</p><p>I kinda like not writing super long chapters all the time. Tell me what you think?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Discoveries</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dina had tucked herself under Ellie's legs and JJ was laying on top of her as they all watched a movie together. He always did that, but his desire to be close to Ellie seemed to only amplify ever since he went with her and Dina to the doctor's about a week and a half ago. Ellie was given medication for the nausea and a scan was given as well. Her vitals were checked and they drew blood to see if her levels had changed any. A slight decrease in the potency of the Cordyceps virus within her blood helped Ellie relax slightly. The ultrasound came back normal and they were sent home. Ever since then, Ellie has been doing a lot better.</p><p>"Momma?" JJ whispered as he let himself slide off of her and to her side, burying himself in the couch cushions.</p><p>"Yeah, Potato?" She whispered softly, pushing the large blanket away from his face.</p><p>"Your tummy feels different." His arm was still thrown around her waist and he snuggled against her side.</p><p>"What do you mean, bud?" She couldn't help the anxiety that suddenly welled up in her chest. She looked at Dina who gave her a questioning expression, and she gave a nervous, confused shrug in response to Dina’s look.</p><p>JJ's hand slid to her lower abdomen and Ellie stiffened. "Feels hard… like a…" He prodded at her stomach. "Like a apple." He giggled. "Momma, did you swallow a apple?" </p><p>Dina raised an eyebrow with a slight smile. "Yeah, Momma, <em>did </em>you swallow an apple?" </p><p>"Sometimes they're too good not to swallow whole." Ellie responded quickly, but Dina could see the panic carefully tucked away.</p><p>"Can I swallow a apple whole?"</p><p>"<em>An</em> apple, buddy, you say '<em>an apple', </em>and no, I'm sorry. You're not big enough yet." Ellie replied as she brushed her hand through his wild hair. "You still gotta eat your slices and chew them up really good. Otherwise you'll get a tummy ache." </p><p>"Awwwh!" He complained, then laughed and nuzzled closer.</p><p>Dina watched the concern wash over Ellie as the color leaked from her face while her free hand moved across her belly. She looked up at Dina, her gaze holding back so much emotion. </p><p>"Do you have a tummy ache Momma?" He asked, his voice muffled against her shirt and the thick blanket that surrounded them. It was big enough to encompass all three of them.</p><p>"A little bit, so be careful." She smiled at him and he nodded, but he didn't move his hand.</p><p>"Momma, is that how babies are made?" </p><p>Ellie's eyes widened and she looked to Dina pleadingly.</p><p>"No, buddy." Dina answered.</p><p>"Then<em> how are</em> babies made?"</p><p>"You get to learn that when you're older, love." Dina smiled and reached over to pat his leg.</p><p>"But I wanna <em>know</em>!" He complained, dragging out his last word for emphasis.</p><p>"Trust me, buddy, no you don't." Ellie spoke low and serious, as if she had been scarred by the information.</p><p>"Is it bad?" His eyes were wide.</p><p>"Yeah." Ellie replied softly and she felt him shrink against her side. "I don't wanna tell you for your own safety." </p><p>He fell silent as he watched her. "Are <em>you </em>gonna have a baby?" Dina was right when she proclaimed that he was too smart for his age.</p><p>"I dunno. Maybe, Spud." Ellie responded and Dina's eyebrows raised at the answer.</p><p>"Maybe?" He repeated with a smile. "If you do, can I have a sister?" </p><p>And Ellie relaxed slightly. "I can't exactly control that buddy… but if I do have a baby, I'll do my best." She smiled, trying her hardest to remain positive.</p><p>"Well it's okay if I have a brother too. I just think it'd be fun to have a sister." He justified and Ellie nodded, feeling better now that she knew JJ was accepting of having a sibling.</p><p>Just then, he squirmed out of Ellie’s embrace and scooted down aways until he was satisfied with where he resided. He pushed himself up and hovered over Ellie’s lower abdomen, then let his head rest on her stomach. </p><p>“Be careful JJ.” Dina reminded him as he squirmed into a more comfortable position. “Tummy ache, remember?”</p><p>“Yes, ma’am.” He said in a pleasant tone. “I promise.” he settled and let his hand rest on the small swell of Ellie’s abdomen. Dina’s gaze softened at the tender scene and Ellie’s cheeks reddened. “Momma… do you know if there is a baby in you now?”</p><p>“No Spud. We’re waiting to see.” Ellie said quietly, despite having the knowledge of being nearly nine weeks pregnant.</p><p>“There <em>might</em> be one here?” he asked, tapping on her belly with his fingers. </p><p>“Yeah…" She said softly.</p><p>"Can doctor tell?" He asked.</p><p>"In a few weeks, buddy, but you can't tell anyone yet okay? We don't know for sure." Dina said softly.</p><p>"I promise!" He shouted, suddenly buzzing with energy. Ellie winced at his volume. </p><p>"This is serious, JJ." Dina said pointedly.</p><p>"I know, Mommy, I'm not going to say anything." He smiled and nuzzled against her belly. "You can be my secret." He whispered not-so-quietly.</p><p>Dina couldn't help her smile. "Who are you talking to, bud?"</p><p>"The baby!" He said exasperatedly as he slapped his forehead. He buried his head in Ellie's stomach again and curled up even more.</p><p>Unsure where to look, Ellie glanced around the room, and finally let her eyes settle on the television. Dina rubbed her leg through the cloth of her trousers and she closed her eyes, doing her best to keep herself calm and unaffected by what just transpired.</p><p>Eventually though, JJ fell asleep and Dina volunteered to take him upstairs so Ellie could have some time to herself. </p><p>She turned off the television and followed Dina upstairs, though she still kept a hand pressed to her belly. Her palm curved more than usual and a shock of fear gnawed at her insides. She didn't move her hand, however.</p><p>Alone in their room, Ellie stood before their mirror and turned to the side. She smoothed her shirt over her belly and frowned, then lifted it to expose her skin. Sure enough, the small swell was still there and she poked at it apprehensively.</p><p>"Hey." Dina spoke softly as she leaned against the doorframe. She pushed off and wandered over to her partner. "How ya doin'?" She pressed her hands to Ellie’s upper back as she watched them both in the mirror.</p><p>A multitude of emotions flitted across Ellies features before she looked away. "Scared." She whispered with a slight shrug, not trusting her voice to sound any better.</p><p>Dina nodded and rubbed Ellie's arm before allowing her hands to join the one currently pressed to her partner's abdomen. “It’s okay, Sweetheart. There’s nothing wrong with that.”</p><p>“There’s <em>everything</em> wrong with that.” Ellie sniffed and looked away, hoping Dina didn’t see it when tears filled her eyes. “I shouldn’t be afraid… not like this…” She drew in a deep breath and let it out. “I’m having a baby, Dina. It doesn’t feel right to be afraid. I feel cowardly and weak and… vulnerable.” Her chest heaved with the intake and release of air. </p><p>“El, hey, listen to me. It’s normal to be afraid. I was afraid. so, <em>so</em> afraid. <em>It's normal</em>." She repeated.</p><p>"You handled it so well…" Ellie bit her lip. "I can barely think about it without…" she looked at a loss for words and she sighed. "Feeling… like I’m on the brink of a panic attack.” </p><p>Dina’s eyes widened and softened. “Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>Ellie looked down shamefully and Dina gently tightened her embrace. "I was afraid to." She looked up at Dina through their mirror. "Not afraid of you or what you might say. Afraid of… sounding ungrateful. I don't know how to handle this and I hate how compromised this has made me. I'm going backwards in everything I've worked on in therapy and on my own and with you…" </p><p>Dina frowned slightly and licked her lips to begin speaking. "Ellie… when you first started therapy, you were barely willing to share how you felt. You're not going backwards. If anything, you're going forwards. I'm so glad you've told me, because I wanna help, and just because you're afraid doesn't mean you're ungrateful. I guarantee you that everything you're feeling now is completely normal. There’s nothing wrong with being afraid and feeling compromised. Motherhood is founded on that.” She chuckled.</p><p>“So then why the hell am I showing at <em>nine weeks</em>?” Ellie’s shoulders started vibrating and Dina pulled away "You started showing around fourteen weeks. This isn’t normal, Dina.” Her eyes were alight and filled with tears and distress. She closed to help suppress the emotions that wanted to jerk free.</p><p>"It's different for everyone." she answered as she rounded to face Ellie head-on. "We can ask Suzan next time we see her. I don't think your life or health is in danger, so I think it's safe to wait." She reached up and kissed Ellie’s cheek "You know… I'm not trying to make you worry or anything, but… if you're showing this early, you might be carrying twins."</p><p>Ellie stiffened under her touch then stepped away from the embrace to sit on their bed. "We didn't discuss that when we agreed to do this…" she took a deep breath in and let it out. Her hand went to her stomach as she practiced with controlled breathing.</p><p>Sitting down next to her, Dina grasped Ellie's free hand and squeezed, doing her best to steady the tremors that ran through her fingers and arm. "There's always a chance that a twin pregnancy might occur, even if insemination is done the way we did it." She gently rubbed Ellie's back. "If you are carrying twins, I'm okay with it and I'm here to support you like always." she pressed a kiss to Ellie’s cheek. “Besides, JJ might get both a brother and a sister.”</p><p>“Or two sisters.” Ellie sighed. “I don’t want him to feel outnumbered.”</p><p>“He’s a good kid. He’ll be okay.” Dina said as she gave Ellie’s hand another squeeze. “We’ll be okay. Trust me on this one. I know two seems daunting, but we can handle it. We don’t even know if we’re having twins yet, so don’t freak out on me just yet.” she smiled widely, though it possessed a certain level of softness that Ellie understood. “C’mon. Let’s go to bed and sleep. Maybe you did swallow an apple.” </p><p>Ellie huffed a laugh at that, but it was absent. She nodded and crawled over onto her side of the bed and laid down and Dina followed soon after.</p><p>“I’m the big spoon tonight, okay?” Dina smiled as she turned out her light and climbed under the covers. “Let me be the big spoon.”</p><p>Ellie didn’t say anything, she only nodded and curled up. She felt Dina’s arms circle her and bring her close with a gentle kiss to the back of her neck. </p><p>“I love you.” Ellie whispered shakily as the tears finally broke free and she could almost <em>hear </em>Dina’s expression soften. </p><p>“I love you more.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi! I have another chapter for you guys! I'm starting to make them longer. Habit. This story was meant to be short, but I guess not. I'm having fun, I hope you are too!</p><p>Let me know what you think!<br/>-Lady Arlo</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Amputations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ellie's hands shook as she tried to cut a straight line in a strip of leather. First of all, it took all of her concentration to just hold the damn blade in her grip. Cutting was an entirely different story.</p>
<p>Voices blurred around her as she did her best to be a good worker and do her job. Making saddles wasn't that hard once she'd done it a few times. It was just time consuming and often tedious. It usually was always a good mental break, but this time felt entirely different.</p>
<p>Her hand slipped and she cut a large portion of her left thumb off. <em>Nail and all</em>. Nearly half of the topmost segment was gone. </p>
<p>A long string of angry, frustrated, and pained curses left her mouth as she stared down at the clean incision just before blood flooded the surface. The pain started again and she kicked her stool, snapping the leg and possibly giving herself a broken toe. <em>Great.</em> She sank to the floor, but someone hoisted her up before she could really get settled.</p>
<p>"Let me see your hand." A familiar voice came from beside her and she looked over to find Maria standing over her.</p>
<p>"I'm fine." Ellie growled, holding her hand close to her chest. </p>
<p>"You're bleeding all over the place. We need to get you fixed up."</p>
<p>And for the first time since it happened, Ellie looked down at her thumb when her blood coated hands. Her mind flicked to Nora, to Owen… to Mel. "F-fuck-" her voice died in her throat and she almost vomited.</p>
<p>"Come on, we need to go." Someone handed Maria a strip of gauze and antiseptic, which she quickly poured over Ellie's hand, shocking her from her mind's torment as she suppressed a scream. The gauze was wrapped thickly around the open wound and there was a brief search for the other part of her finger, but unfortunately, it was lost and she was ushered to Medical anyway.</p>
<p>Ellie's right hand gripped the bundle of fabric around her thumb, putting pressure on it to aid in stopping the bleeding. She absently followed Maria to the makeshift medical quarters, choosing not to speak or to ask questions. Her hand hurt too much to really think straight. Why did it hurt more than having both fingers bitten off?</p>
<p>"How are Wurlitzer's trials going?" Maria broke the silence. </p>
<p>"Fine." She answered and squeezed her thumb a little bit tighter.</p>
<p>"Any success?" The older woman asked hopefully. </p>
<p>"If you call twelve weeks with twins <em>success</em>, then yes." Ellie muttered bitterly as she stared down at her hand.</p>
<p>Maria's eyes were wide as she looked over. "You're <em>pregnant</em>?" She whispered. "I thought testing was going to take much longer…"</p>
<p>"No, they were pretty eager to get started. I'm surprised they didn't tell you." She sounded sarcastic, but Maria knew what vulnerability looked like in Ellie.</p>
<p>"Despite this world being the way it is, we still value patient confidentiality. It no longer was my business once you got involved. I simply helped start to program by giving them positions in our community and a place to work." Maria informed and Ellie fell silent.</p>
<p>"So… how are you doing? With… everything?" She asked gently and she saw how Ellie's expression fell along with her posture when she thought nobody was looking.</p>
<p>"… It isn’t easy." Her voice was quiet. "I haven't slept in two days." She winced when the gauze moved across the raw surface. "Don't look at me like that." She shot and looked back down at her hand.</p>
<p>"Ellie… have you told Suzan about this? Does Dina know?" She asked with concern and Ellie sighed heavily.</p>
<p>"No to both." </p>
<p>"You need to. You're looking out for more than just yourself now. You need to be easy with your body." Maria brought her close in a brief side-hug.</p>
<p>"Are you going to rat me out?" </p>
<p>"If you don't say anything about it before you're done in here," Maria gestured to the building Ellie was coming to know too well. "then yes."</p>
<p>"Fine." She sighed and followed Maria into the building.</p>
<p>They were checked in and it was Doctor Read who saw her this time. His smile was gentle and friendly, and his sandy blonde hair always seemed to fall in his face.</p>
<p>He took her back immediately and Ellie asked for Maria to come as well. She felt more obligated to ask than anything, but a part of her didn't want to be alone. She'd never admit to wanting someone's hand to hold.</p>
<p>In the room, James removed the soaking gauze and inspected the damage. "Do you have the other part of your thumb?"</p>
<p>"We couldn't find it." Ellie replied, cringing as he began cleaning it. It was just the antiseptic for now. Then the <em>scrubbing</em> was next.</p>
<p>"That's alright, though unfortunately I'm going to have to amputate the top part of your thumb here. There isn't enough skin to stitch it and it's too deep to safely restore. We also don't have the equipment to graft a section of skin currently." He said as he cleaned her other hand until it was spotless. When he let it go, she involuntarily pressed it to her belly, and Maria was suddenly able to tell how much she was showing. Her clothes helped a lot when it came to hiding it, not that the change in her body was very noticeable in the first place. </p>
<p>"Amputation is far more sterile in this instance. Your risk of developing an infection is increased and that can be very risky due to your pregnancy." He said as he prepared the room for emergency surgery.</p>
<p>Ellie's expression fell and she nodded. "Will you use anesthesia?"</p>
<p>He looked appalled. "Of course! I promise that it's completely safe for all three of you." He held his hand out, palm facing up to gesture to all of her, and Ellie's arm slid more protectively around her waist. "That being said, allow me to go grab a few things." He nodded, then excused himself quickly, knowing it was best to get this over with sooner rather than later.</p>
<p>The room fell quiet and Ellie stared at the fingers on her left hand and sighed quietly. So much of it was already missing, and even more of it was about to disappear. </p>
<p>Maria saw this and stood, then wrapped her arms around Ellie's shoulders and pulled her close. </p>
<p>For a long while, the young woman didn't say anything as she let herself lean into the embrace. She closed her eyes and did all that she could to rest before her procedure.</p>
<p>"I'm tired of losing fingers." She said softly. "Or… parts of them, at least."</p>
<p>"Ellie, you could have radioed in that you weren't feeling well. It's okay to not feel well." Maria said softly before she pressed a kiss to the top of Ellie's head.</p>
<p>"I've missed so much work and I need to get out of my head." She frowned and played with the rolled-up sleeve of her injured hand. "I went with Dina two weeks ago to get a check-up because we suspected twins. The ultrasound machine we have recovered doesn't have all of its functions fully restored, which means that because we couldn't tell how many were… <em>inside</em> of me based on the image alone… we couldn't confirm it with sound. Dina had to go in for a work emergency on the day the ultrasound was scheduled, so I went last week by myself." Her eyes couldn't stay closed as she looked around the room. "I… haven't told her yet… that we're having two."</p>
<p>"Is that why you haven't been sleeping?" Maria asked as she pulled away slightly. </p>
<p>"Partly." Ellie's voice shook. "I lied to her. I told her the scan was inconclusive again. That we still didn't know for sure… I didn't have the courage to tell her."</p>
<p>Maria frowned deeply. "Are you afraid she'll get upset?"</p>
<p>"No!" Ellie blurted, then sobered. "I don't know why I lied. I just lost all confidence. I could have just not answered…" </p>
<p>Maria rubbed her back a few times before letting go. "While lying wasn't the right thing to do, I think that if you explain this to her and tell her the truth, it'll be okay. There might be an argument, but an argument is worth it so long as it's healthy and productive." Maria said gently. "You're human. Remember that." She smiled. </p>
<p>Their conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door, and soon, Doctor Read, an assistant, and a cart full of equipment entered the small, sterile space. </p>
<p>"Ready?" He asked kindly and Ellie nodded.</p>
<p>"You bet." She said as she held a hand out to him. </p>
<p>The assistant administered the anesthetic with a syringe and made sure Ellie couldn't feel anything in her thumb before she began the cleaning process. In the meantime, Doctor Read prepared his cutting tools. When the cleaning was over, a pair of what looked like giant nail clippers was taken to the bone and the cut was made at the joint. The excess skin was then sewn up and the whole thing was cleaned again and bandaged thickly. </p>
<p>Ellie was just thankful for a quick procedure, because that often meant a quick discharge. She was also relieved to hear he didn't want to do another scan before next week.</p>
<p>With one last look-over and instructions on how to care for her amputation, James let them be on their way without much fuss.</p>
<p>The hard part was getting home.</p>
<p>Maria <em>insisted</em> on walking her back to the house and depositing her into Dina's care despite her protests. It made her feel like a child. It got worse when Maria asked to feel her baby bump, which she moodily allowed so long as discretion was taken to <em>highly</em>. Even still, there wasn't that much to feel. The babies weren't strong enough yet for even Ellie to feel them moving around, but the tender, watery-eyed expression on Maria's face made it somewhat better. She looked years younger like that, Ellie decided.</p>
<p>When Maria knocked and they waited, Ellie messed with her remaining fingers. Her eyes shot up when Dina opened the door with a frown. </p>
<p>"Ellie… Maria… is everything okay?" She asked.</p>
<p>Ellie gave a 'thumbs up' with her injured hand. "I, uh… cut myself at work today." </p>
<p>"Oh… my god, are you okay?" Dina stepped forwards and gently caressed Ellie's injured hand.</p>
<p>"Yeah." She said as she rubbed her neck absently. "We couldn't find the other piece so Doctor Read had to amputate it."</p>
<p>"How much did he have to take off?"</p>
<p>"Just the top joint with the nail." She smiled slightly. "Another nub bites the dust."</p>
<p>Dina chuckled. "Well at least your humor is still intact."</p>
<p>Ellie sobered and hummed absently as she watched her partner inspect the bandages.</p>
<p>"Maria, how soon can I come back to work?" </p>
<p>"I think I would like you both to talk about it before I give you an answer." The older woman said as she crossed her arms over her chest.</p>
<p>"Is everything alright?" Dina asked as she looked to Ellie, who cast her eyes downwards with shame.</p>
<p>"There are just things you two should discuss. Ellie and I went over a few of them in the Med Room." Maria said with a nod. "Now, you kids be good." </p>
<p>Dina went to question again, but Ellie caught her eye with a pleading look.</p>
<p>"Always. Thank you, Maria." Dina replied as her eyes tried to read her partner.</p>
<p>"Of course. Take care." She smiled, then turned and walked back down the steps leading up to the porch.</p>
<p>"Take care." Ellie called, slightly belatedly and she jumped when she felt Dina's hand on her back. She looked over and frowned slightly.</p>
<p>"What is it that we need to talk about?" </p>
<p>"I… I lied to you." Ellie responded dejectedly. "About the scan last week. I panicked and told you it was inconclusive when in reality… I'm… carrying twins." She pulled away and walked back into their house, trying to suppress the painful stab of fear that shot up through her stomach and into her chest. She sat down on the couch and sank into herself, trying <em>so hard </em>not to cry.</p>
<p>Dina frowned and followed, closing the front door as she went, torn between anger and confusion and the mixed bag that was finding out they truly were having two more kids. </p>
<p>Swallowing her emotions, Dina knelt in front of Ellie and laid her hands on her kneecaps. Dina could feel her shaking. </p>
<p>"What else is there?" Dina asked and Ellie winced at the connotation of the distrust <em>she </em>caused.</p>
<p>After a long pause, her answer came.</p>
<p>"I'm unwell." Ellie spoke quietly and swallowed thickly. "I haven't slept in two days. I can't eat. When I do, it comes up despite the medicine. I don't know if it's the guilt I feel over not being strong enough to tell you or if… or if it's something else." She wiped her eyes and looked down at Dina. "My nightmares are back… they're of… dying in childbirth now." She shuddered and looked away. "Or miscarrying." Her hand went to rub at her neck. "Or Mel." </p>
<p>Dina reached up and wiped the tears away. "Why Mel, Sweetheart?" She kept her voice calm. </p>
<p>"At… the aquarium… I killed Owen and she tried to kill me… so<em> I</em> killed <em>her</em>." Ellie covered her eyes with her hand. "I didn't know she was pregnant…" her tears broke free and a quiet sob fell from her lips. </p>
<p>Shock fell upon Dina. Ellie never told her about <em>that</em> part.</p>
<p>She raised up on her knees and brought her partner close, allowing Ellie to cry quietly against her shoulder.</p>
<p>"I'm s-so sorry, Dina…" she whispered. "I'm so sorry I kept all of this from you. I'm tearing myself apart over it. I don't want to be in my head anymore." She took a shaky breath. "I wanted to go to work to get away, but I… can't fucking trust myself to even do <em>that</em>. James had to amputate my fucking thumb!" She growled and Dina pulled away from their embrace. "I can't even keep my own fingers. How the hell am I gonna be a good parent to <em>three </em>kids without fucking <em>something </em>up?" </p>
<p>"Sweetheart." Dina said calmly, reaching up again to wipe the tears from Ellie's cheeks. "It's gonna be okay. It's not like you're gonna be doing motherhood on your own. I'm here to help take care of them and of you. Always." </p>
<p>Ellie still looked distressed, though. "Motherhood came so easily to you when JJ came around. You knew exactly when he was hungry; when he needed his diaper changed; when he wanted to play, when he needed a nap. I could barely see half of those things and the only thing I could do was to help as much as I could. Dina… I can barely cook pasta without destroying everything." </p>
<p>Dina's eyes softened and she pressed a kiss to Ellie's forehead. "El, it comes naturally when the babies are born. You've lived with them for nine months, so by the time they're born, you already know things like their sleeping patterns, or even a little bit of their personality. Those are things that I know about because of JJ, but I won't be able to experience those things like you will. I can only be there to hug you and smile with you when those experiences come. I'll be able to share a few with you, but there are so many more things that you'll know that I won't simply because you live with them." Dina smiled and pressed her hand to her partner's belly, and worried forest green eyes dipped to look. Her right hand slid to meet Dina's and she stiffened slightly as she remembered how much her body has changed in the past three weeks.</p>
<p>"We'll be okay, Ellie. Yes, three kids is a lot, but you know what? Our family is <em>growing</em>. We can give them what you and I were robbed of when we were kids. As each day passes, it's getting easier and easier to live in Jackson. I mean… we're expanding up the river to accept new people into our community. There isn't much we struggle for. We're <em>safe</em>." Dina whispered her last sentence to add emphasis and Ellie nodded.</p>
<p>"Feel better?" </p>
<p>"Kinda." She said quietly. "I'm gonna feel bad about lying to you for a few months, just so you know."</p>
<p>"And I'll be there to forgive you every time you apologize. I understand what caused it and you didn't do it with malicious intent. You told me about it and apologized. I can't really be angry with you anyway." She kissed Ellie's lips this time. "Not when you look so damn hot all the time." </p>
<p><em>That</em> made Ellie smile. "Right, like this is hot." She said sarcastically and gestured to herself. "I'm practically three people and the top joint of my thumb is gone."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but you're <em>my</em> three people." Dina replied as she added her second hand to Ellie's abdomen. "And yes, I think you're hot." She reached up to press a gentle kiss to Ellie's neck, causing her to sigh softly. </p>
<p>"You have a kink." She nearly groaned with finality and Dina grinned. </p>
<p>"Maybe I do." She replied against her partner's shoulder. She let her hand slide to Ellie's thigh. "And you know what else?"</p>
<p>"Hm?" </p>
<p>"A couple of things. Firstly, we have the whole house to ourselves for a few hours. Secondly, I think we should have sex."</p>
<p>"Subtle." Ellie replied, then smiled much easier.</p>
<p>"Let me take care of you." Dina's voice was husky as her thumb brushed the inside of Ellie's thigh and already she could feel the tension pooling in her stomach.</p>
<p>"Well, I'm on <em>all the time</em>, I swear, so I'm okay with anything." Ellie tried to keep her voice casual but failed miserably.</p>
<p>"Oh, I remember that." Dina said as she felt Ellie's breathing pick up when her hand slid closer to her crotch. "It's probably worse for you because you've got two." She frowned and pulled away, doing her best to suppress the urge to smile. "Dude, how do you <em>live</em>?" </p>
<p>"I keep breathing and drinking water and eating. Humans can't photosynthesize, you know." Ellie shrugged. </p>
<p>"Ugh, nerd." Dina said dramatically.</p>
<p>"<em>Your </em>nerd. You gotta deal with me." Ellie chuckled and Dina kissed her again. </p>
<p>"And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Upstairs. Now." Dina stood and pulled Ellie with her.</p>
<p>"Yes ma'am." Ellie raised her eyebrows and let Dina take her by the hand and drag her upstairs.</p>
<p>With her worries momentarily forgotten, Ellie let herself sink into the warmth that was <em>Dina</em>, who always seemed to know how to help. </p>
<p>Ellie could never be more thankful.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi again! Check it out! This chapter is super long! </p>
<p>Thank you to everyone who left comments and kudos and hits and stuff. You all have really made my day, my week, and my month :) I'm glad you are enjoying this story. It was initially just for fun, and it still is, but it's way more fun than I thought it was going to be and it's kind of become my focused fic when the focus is supposed to be on my 37-chapter longfic for Eragon (that still isn't done).</p>
<p>ANYWAY! I hope all of you like this chapter and I hope you have a wonderful day!</p>
<p>-Lady Arlo</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Super Spud</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ellie always grinned at the way JJ's lunchbox flailed around his iron grip when he ran to greet her and Dina after daycare. He nearly slammed into them both as he attempted to hug them at the same time without slowing down. </p>
<p>After successfully avoiding a painful collision, he instantly began telling them about his day, so absorbed that he hadn't realized Ellie removed his lunchbox from his hand and that Dina had zipped his jacket up. </p>
<p>"Oh yeah?" Dina said with a smile. </p>
<p>"Yeah! Kevin- we built a big sandcastle and dug really deep till we couldn't dig anymore and Miss Alice said we did good and she also said I did good with my blocks today because I can count to twenty and I got to feed Tickle today and he likes to lick my fingers-" he inhaled deeply, then sneezed, blinked a few times and took another breath to start talking again.</p>
<p>"Hold on, Spud." Ellie said gently. "Who is Tickle?"</p>
<p>He shrugged. "The class cat." </p>
<p>"Is he new?" </p>
<p>"Yeah! He visited the window and Miss Alice let him in. She says he comes after we go home, but he visited today for the first time!" He looked up at her. "What's a allergy?" </p>
<p>"<em>An </em>allergy, bud. 'A, E, I, O, U' at the start of a word makes-"</p>
<p>"'a' into 'an'!" He shouted.</p>
<p>"Exactly, so because 'allergy' starts with the letter 'a', we say '<em>an </em>allergy'." Ellie said calmly and he nodded vigorously.</p>
<p>"An allergy is when your body can't handle something and it gets hyperactive. Like for example, somebody who has a dairy allergy couldn't drink milk because their body can't process it, and because of that, it doesn't make them feel good." Dina responded, trying her best to keep the terms simple for him.</p>
<p>"What's hy-per-active?" </p>
<p>"Super duper active. Like how you get when you have too much sugar." Ellie answered with a smile.</p>
<p>"Oh." He nodded in understanding. Whether or not he actually understood was unclear to both of his parents. "Miss Alice asked us if we had a cat allergy. Do I have a cat allergy?" </p>
<p>"I dunno, bud. Do you feel itchy around Tickle?" Ellie asked.</p>
<p>He thought. "Hmmm, no."</p>
<p>"Is it hard to breathe around him?" </p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>"Does he make you sneeze?"</p>
<p>"I don't think so." He looked up at her again and squinted. "The sun makes me sneeze. Am I allergy to the sun?" </p>
<p>"No, love, sometimes bright things can make you sneeze too." Dina responded as she and Ellie let him walk up the stairs to their home.</p>
<p>"Oh, okay!"</p>
<p>He waited for Dina to unlock the door, and with flailing arms, he unzipped his jacket and did his best to fling it from his body. He did the same thing with his shoes before darting into the kitchen.</p>
<p>"JJ!" Dina called. "You need to pick up your shoes and hang your jacket on its hook!" </p>
<p>"Yes ma’am!" He called and ran back into the living room where they both still stood. He picked up his shoes and set them neatly on their rack, then did the same to his jacket on the hook they had installed just above head-height, but low enough so he could reach it.</p>
<p>When he was finished, he ran back into the kitchen and they followed. He pulled out the fold-up stool they kept in the pantry and set it up so he could wash his hands. After doing so, he brought the stool back to the pantry and stumbled up onto a chair in the dining room. He then pulled an apple from the decorative bowl they had on the table, opened his mouth and did his best to fit it all the way in, but had no luck as the task was impossible for him. It didn't help that he picked the largest apple in the bowl either.</p>
<p>"You have to be older, Spud. Let me cut this up for you." Ellie smiled, then took the apple from him when he frowned and handed it to her.</p>
<p>"I <em>am</em> older this week." He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.</p>
<p>"No, much older, buddy. Like my age." Ellie washed both her hands and the apple in the sink, then pulled a cutting board out as Dina picked him up and put him on one of the barstools that were located on the other side of the counter.</p>
<p>"How old are you?" He asked as he got situated.</p>
<p>"Twenty-one." She responded with a smile. Dina sidled up next to her and took the knife from her hands. "Your thumb, baby. Let me get it." She murmured and Ellie relented with a small huff. She kissed Dina’s cheek once their positions were switched.</p>
<p>"But that's so far away!" He complained and Ellie shrugged as she leaned against the counter.</p>
<p>"That's the way it is, Potato. It'll be here before you know it." She rounded the counter and stood behind him so she could ruffle his hair. "And besides, I think you'll have bigger things to think about before you turn twenty-one." She looked up at Dina and found a smile on her lips.</p>
<p>"Like what?" He asked.</p>
<p>"I think we should tell him." Dina said as she finished cutting the apple.</p>
<p>"Tell me what?" He asked, eyes going wide.</p>
<p>"You're sure?" Ellie replied to Dina. </p>
<p>"Mhm. Doctor Wurlitzer said it was safe to tell people now." Dina smiled even brighter.</p>
<p>"Mmmmoooommmmaaaa!!!!" JJ nearly yelled exasperatedly. "Tell meeee!"</p>
<p>"Alright, Spud, but you gotta be good, okay?" Ellie chuckled.</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah, yeah!" He was nearly bouncing in his chair as he nodded violently.</p>
<p>"Okay, okay. Do you remember a few weeks ago when we told you about maybe being a big brother?" </p>
<p>"Yeah!" Then he gasped. "Am I gonna be a big brother?" He asked so hopefully and Ellie nodded. </p>
<p>"Yeah, buddy. You are." she couldn’t help but smile at his holler of triumph.</p>
<p>"Where are they?!" He asked, volume still turned all the way up, but neither Ellie or Dina could blame him.</p>
<p>"Well, they're not born yet." She reasoned, then placed a hand on her belly, barely visible through the thick hoodie she kept herself wrapped up in. "They're still in here." </p>
<p>JJ's eyes widened and he reached out. His touch was far more gentle than Ellie thought he was capable of. "Momma, you're tummy is big." He observed as he felt around the swell of her abdomen. “It doesn’t look big though.” he frowned in confusion.</p>
<p>"Mhm. Y'know why it’s big?" She asked. Despite being thirteen, <em>almost </em>fourteen weeks pregnant, she felt she was showing more than normal. Suzan had reassured her multiple times that everything was fine and that both babies were doing well.</p>
<p>"Why?" He asked, not taking his eyes away from her belly.</p>
<p>"Because we're going to have two new babies instead of one." She answered in a tender tone. </p>
<p>"There are <em>two babies </em>inside your tummy?" He asked quietly and with astonishment as both of his widely splayed hands were positioned around her baby-bump like he held the world.</p>
<p>"Yeah, bud."</p>
<p>"Wow…" He whispered with amazement. "Are they moving?" </p>
<p>"A little bit." She nodded.</p>
<p>"Can you feel it?"</p>
<p>"No, not yet. It's still early and-"</p>
<p>"How big are they?" </p>
<p>"Mmm." She held up her complete thumb. "About that big." She gestured to the two sections that made up her digit. "About four inches each." She said.</p>
<p>"They're so small!" He whisper-yelled. "Can they hear me?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, they are, and no, they can’t hear yet buddy, they're still really tiny. We get to wait a little longer." </p>
<p>"Awh!" He complained but leaned over and kissed her belly twice before nearly falling out of his chair. Ellie caught him as he giggled. </p>
<p>"Eat your apples, JJ. They're good for you." She pointed to the plate Dina pushed in front of him.</p>
<p>"Okay, Momma." He said as he turned in his chair. "Oh! Here." He picked up three apples and handed them to her.</p>
<p>"Thank you." She smiled as he dropped them into her open and cupped hands.</p>
<p>"One for you and two for the babies because there's two of them and one of you." he smiled cheekily and Ellie felt her eyes water slightly.</p>
<p>She bent and kissed him on the forehead. "You're a sweet Potato. They’re so lucky to have you as their big older brother. You gotta protect them and keep them safe, okay?”</p>
<p>He sat up straight and with a very serious expression, looked directly into her yes. “I promise.”</p>
<p>“Good.” Ellie smiled and took a bite of one of the apples he gave her. He grinned with approval, then went back to eating his afternoon snack.</p>
<p>Dina wrapped her arms around Ellie from behind and held her close, resting her jaw on Ellie’s shoulder, having to stand up on the tips of her toes to reach. </p>
<p>Ellie leaned back as part of a subconscious conditioned response that had been ingrained years before. </p>
<p>“Everything alright?” Ellie asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Just admiring my family.” Dina kissed her partner’s cheek, then pulled away. “May I see your hand?”</p>
<p>Ellie knew to give her left. She was told she could take her bandages off in a week, much to her disdain. Dina took her wrist and brought her to the other side of the counter where the light was better. </p>
<p>“Is something wrong?” Ellie asked softly.</p>
<p>“No.” Dina replied, sounding a bit absent. “I just wanted to see your nubs.” She smiled and she heard Ellie huff a chuckle.</p>
<p>“Well… they haven’t changed much. They’re less sensitive after two years of time to heal.”</p>
<p>Dina hummed as she brushed her thumb over the healed skin of Ellie’s ring finger. “That’s good, because I want to try making you prosthetics.” She looked up to see the surprised look on her partner’s features.</p>
<p>“Prosthetics?” She asked and Dina frowned. </p>
<p>“Yeah… like… false appendages to help you do stuff.” She shrugged. “Nick has a heat gun and a rotary tool he’s gonna let me borrow. You remember plastic milk jugs? Y’know… how they’re all foggy and have that weird bumpy texture on them?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Ellie raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Well, that’s a type of plastic called ‘High Density Polyethylene’ or ‘HDPE’, and I can cut some up with scissors and melt it with a heat gun, then go in with a carving bit on the rotary tool and make the pieces look like finger segments. I’m gonna drill a hole in the top two joints that’ll hold a wire that’ll run down the back of your hand and attach to a wristband. When you move your nub like you would to make a fist, the tension on the cable will pull the fingertip inwards so it moves like the rest of your fingers.” She said, half thinking aloud and half explaining the plan she’s been tossing around in her mind for a few months now.</p>
<p>“So that’s why JJ’s so smart.” Ellie smiled and leaned over to press a kiss to Dina’s cheek, causing her to look up. </p>
<p>“Well, I wanna help you.” Dina said honestly. “And you’ll be, like, the coolest person in town with prosthetic fingers.” </p>
<p>Ellie pulled her upright and gently caressed her cheek as she kissed her with quiet passion. </p>
<p>“Eew!” JJ shouted and covered his eyes.</p>
<p>“Hey, come and say that when you’re old enough to want to kiss someone.” Dina said and he rolled his eyes. </p>
<p>“I don’t wanna kiss anyone like that!” he retaliated.</p>
<p>“And that’s okay Spud, but you might change your mind when you get older. For now, let me love your mom.” Ellie said as she kissed Dina again. JJ groaned loudly, then hopped down from his chair and scampered out of the kitchen. His heavy footsteps could be heard as he deliberately stomped up the stairs.</p>
<p>Silence ensued for a few moments before Dina broke into a fierce fit of suppressed giggling. </p>
<p>“You think he’s gone?” Ellie said as she nuzzled into Dina’s neck, pressing a trail of kisses against her tan skin.</p>
<p>“He might come back down.” she answered.</p>
<p>"Or he might not." Ellie hummed.</p>
<p>"Ooh, somebody is in a good mood today." Dina grinned as she threaded her arms around Ellie's shoulders and Ellie's hands found Dina's waist.</p>
<p>"I do feel good today." Ellie responded honestly. "I don't really know why, but I do." She sighed and leaned her head into Dina's shoulder as they swayed together. "I want it to always feel like this." </p>
<p>Dina felt her frown.</p>
<p>"No, I'd like normal to feel like this. I wanna be able to feel the other things too.” Ellie hummed, then kissed her again. “You deserve more positivity from me.”</p>
<p>“Ellie, I know you can’t help it sometimes and I know you’re working on it. You’re doing so well, baby.” Dina said softly as she pulled away to look her partner in the eyes. “I’m so proud of you and I wanna do something for you.” She smiled. “Which is why I want to make you some fingers. Then maybe you could play like you’re used to.” </p>
<p>The taller of the two smiled. “Hey, I’m getting good with my left-handed guitar. Strumming is a little difficult with my left at the moment because of my thumb, but the chords are coming along nicely with my right.” she cocked her head to the side. “But, if everything works out, I’d love to be able to play like I used to.” </p>
<p>Dina’s eyes became wide and honest. “I’ll make sure it does, El. I promise. I’ve been thinking about this for too long for it not to work.” </p>
<p>“Wait, how long have you been thinking about making prosthetics?”</p>
<p>“A few months. I think right around the time Wurlitzer and Read approached you about a vaccine, which was right around the time they proposed the whole pregnancy thing.” she huffed. “<em>Fetomaternal Microchimerism.</em>”</p>
<p>“How did you remember that term?” Ellie looked at her funny.</p>
<p>“The same way you remembered just about all of the stars in the sky.” </p>
<p>“Memorization?” </p>
<p>“No! Ellie, I love you like you love the stars and because of that love I remembered the thing they’re studying in you.” Dina complained without breaking eye contact.</p>
<p>“Oh.” Ellie’s cheeks pinkened, but it was soon replaced by a smirk. “Who’s the nerd now?”</p>
<p>Dina gently punched her arm and Ellie’s eyes widened. </p>
<p>“Hey! You butt!” She couldn’t say it without laughing and neither could Dina hear it and keep a straight face.</p>
<p>“Is <em>that </em>your best comeback?” </p>
<p>“No, but I love you more than the stars in the sky, I’d never give you my best comeback.” she grinned. </p>
<p>“You’re insufferable.”</p>
<p>“But I’m being honest.” Ellie held a peaceful look on her features just before she bent and kissed Dina. “I love you more than the stars in the sky, but I know I wouldn’t be the same person without them or you.”</p>
<p>Dina brought Ellie close. “I like it when you’re romantic and poetic.” </p>
<p>“That only comes naturally once in a blue moon.” She stated and Dina rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>“I love you more.”</p>
<p>“Your best comeback?” Ellie taunted and Dina huffed exasperatedly. </p>
<p>“Yeah, because it’s true and genuine truth wins. I love you more, always and forever.” </p>
<p>“I’ll accept that, then. I have been defeated.” </p>
<p>Dina felt Ellie move to bow slightly in their embrace. </p>
<p>“But the battle is not over.” She smiled against Dina’s skin with that promise on her lips.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As Britney Spears once said, "Oops, I Did it Again", meaning, I'm posting another chapter within the same day. I guess I'm making up for not posting anything yesterday.</p>
<p>I had fun writing this one. I really like the easy moments between their family. Also, JJ is amazing. </p>
<p>As always, I hope you liked this chapter. Let me know what you think and thank you for reading!<br/>-Lady Arlo</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Amniocentesis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Here we are." Doctor Wurlitzer said as she handed a medical gown to Ellie. "Please get changed and I'll be right in."</p>
<p>"Sure." Ellie nodded and accepted the cloth. Wurlitzer nodded, then excused herself.</p>
<p>Ellie sighed as she began undoing the buttons on her shirt, though she had trouble because of her still-healing thumb.</p>
<p>"Let me get it, El." Dina said gently as she instantly began working on helping Ellie out of her shirt.</p>
<p>"Thank you." </p>
<p>"You're welcome." Dina offered a smile as she pulled Ellie's shirt off of her body. Her hands instantly drifted to her abdomen, allowing her arms to circle and cover the rather prominent swell that felt too drastic to be normal for sixteen weeks along. She looked away to help hide the insecurity in her eyes.</p>
<p>"Hey." Dina whispered. "You look fine, Sweetheart. No need to cover yourself." She laid a gentle hand on Ellie's wrist. </p>
<p>The taller of the two opened her mouth to argue but paused and shook her head and let one of her arms fall. She left a hand on her belly, then reached over and shrugged the medical gown over her shoulders. </p>
<p>"Are you nervous?" Dina asked, hoping to get Ellie to talk at least a little bit. She'd been quiet all morning.</p>
<p>"Yeah… so much can go wrong. She’s gonna stick a needle into me. It's so crowded…" </p>
<p>"Well, if it's any consolation, they did tell us that we've got fraternal twins on our hands. That means two separate amniotic sacs. It seems less chaotic than it might be with identical twins who share one." Dina rubbed Ellie's shoulder.</p>
<p>"She's going to draw from both…" </p>
<p>"She might not and if she does, I'll be right here with you the whole time, okay? I'll be here regardless of how many needles. I'm gonna hold your hand and it'll all be okay." She pressed a kiss to Ellie's temple. "Besides, when we get home, I have a prosthetic prototype finished and I want you to try it on."</p>
<p>Ellie's eyes widened slightly. "How were you able to finish that in two weeks?"</p>
<p>"It's kinda slow at the moment for the Electricians' Guild. That's unusual considering it's winter, but definitely not unwelcome. I think some of the slowness is accredited to working on the electrical reinforcement and insulation we did during the summer. Anyways, Nick helped some when it came to working with the plastic. The dude has massive forearms so I had him cut the milk jugs up." She smiled. "Well, once we got the plastic cut up into small pieces, we stuck it in a blender so the pieces were even smaller. It melts easier and he and I made some molds for your fingers so if we need to make another model, we have the easy capability to do so."</p>
<p>"Hm." Ellie responded as her brain worked to process what Dina told her. "Where's all the plastic from?"</p>
<p>Dina grinned. "The patrols have started collecting plastic things from the river, the woods, litter, trash cans that were never emptied, and more, and they're bringing it back so we can cut it up and make bags to help reinforce the walls. It's not as heavy as sand, but I think it's a good alternative."</p>
<p>"I didn't know that was a thing, but I'm glad Jackson is helping to clean up the environment." Ellie cracked a shaky smile, which Dina noticed was a sign that she really wasn't doing all that well mentally.</p>
<p>"Sweetheart." She whispered and wrapped Ellie in her arms. "It's gonna be okay." </p>
<p>The silence that fell around them wasn't uncomfortable or unwelcome. They simply held each other, more for Ellie’s wellbeing than Dina's, who <em>was</em> nervous for her partner. </p>
<p>Soon, Doctor Wurlitzer knocked and entered, carrying a small basket this time instead of a cart like she had when Ellie underwent her IUI procedure.</p>
<p>There were two long, thin needles in it and Ellie had to look away. Of all the things she's been through, looking at these needles in particular made her squeamish. </p>
<p>"Alright." Wurlitzer began. "Are we ready?" </p>
<p>"Mhm, yeah." Ellie forced herself to sound as normal as she could.</p>
<p>"Fabulous." She smiled. "Okay, so I know this procedure, one part of a process called '<em>Amniocentesis</em>', is daunting, but I can reassure you that it's safe and that I have experience with it. You'll feel perhaps mild discomfort, and it certainly won't be as terrible as a bullet wound." She said gently as she rested a hand on Ellie's shoulder. "I'll talk you through this just like we did when we did the fertilization." </p>
<p>Wurlitzer turned the sonography machine on and let it boot up. In the meantime, she had Ellie lay back on the examination table, which was more like a chair than a table as it had an elevated backrest, then asked her to lift the gown up over her belly and also to undo the clasp on her jeans. Dina helped her with her trousers because of her thumb.</p>
<p>The machine was ready for operation and Suzan applied the familiar, frigid gel to Ellie's exposed abdomen, then applied the transducer to the area to take a look. </p>
<p>"Everybody's doing great." Wurlitzer smiled after a moment of hunting for their little ones and pointed to the screen. "And a bonus, they're both perfectly and quite rarely positioned so that I can see both of their gentiles, so if you wanted, I can tell you what you're having."</p>
<p>Ellie's eyes widened slightly and she looked to Dina. "Your call, babe. I'm okay with either." She said quietly, trying to sound as sure as possible.</p>
<p>Dina looked over. "You're sure?" </p>
<p> "Yeah. Your call." Ellie squeezed her hand and Dina looked up. </p>
<p>"Then… I think… we'd like to know what we're having." Dina looked to Ellie, who smiled as confidently as possible.</p>
<p>"In that case, this one right here," she pointed to the baby on the left. "Is a boy." She gestured to the baby in the right. "And this one is going to be a girl. Fraternal twins. We knew that, though because here's two amniotic sacs." She smiled widely and warmly. "Congratulations."</p>
<p>"Thank you." Dina said almost wistfully just before pressing a passionate kiss to Ellie's temple. "A girl <em>and</em> a boy." She whispered happily. "JJ is gonna be so happy."</p>
<p>"Yeah, he will." Ellie answered calmly with a light smile. It faded and concern washed over her. She looked back at the doctor and frowned. "They look normal… right?" </p>
<p>"Oh yes. Perfectly healthy and on track for sixteen weeks. We're going to run what we draw today through the lab to make sure the health of your babies comes first, then we can begin to develop a vaccine." Wurlitzer smiled broadly, proud of her team's work.</p>
<p>"Will I come back in to do this again?" Ellie asked.</p>
<p>"It's possible, but it's a little bit too early to tell. Let's see where we get with what we draw today, okay?"</p>
<p>"Okay…" Ellie nodded and settled back against the soft cloth bed. </p>
<p>"Ready?" Wurlitzer asked.</p>
<p>"Yeah… as ready as I'll ever be." Ellie sighed and squeezed Dina's hand. </p>
<p>Dina reached over and combed her fingers through Ellie's auburn hair, then kissed her head.</p>
<p>Doctor Wurlitzer nodded, then reached over to ready the needle. She then checked the monitor twice before lining it up with where she wanted to go, talking all the while as she explained what she was doing.</p>
<p>"Quick pinch." She announced before allowing the needle to pierce Ellie's skin. Dina felt her hand start to go numb from the grip Ellie had on it, but she didn't mind. Ellie needed her more.</p>
<p>"Okay." Wurlitzer said as she set the needle down. "Breathe, Ellie." She reminded her patient, and with a startled look, Ellie exhaled.</p>
<p>"Sorry." She said quietly and Dina rubbed her arm.</p>
<p>"It's okay, just one more and then we're all done." Wurlitzer promised and Ellie nodded.</p>
<p>The process was repeated and luckily, Ellie was able to handle it a little better since she knew what to expect.</p>
<p>The needle was in and out very quickly and Ellie was relieved by the end of it. The ultrasound gel was wiped away and she was allowed to cover herself again.</p>
<p>Doctor Wurlitzer asked if she felt alright and asked her about any concerns she might have. When there was none, she and Dina were allowed to go home.</p>
<p>By the time they got back though, Ellie looked paler than usual and Dina stopped her when they stood inside the house, by the front door. </p>
<p>"You don't look like you feel well." She stated rather bluntly. </p>
<p>"Hm?" Ellie responded with an expression that meant she wasn't entirely sure what Dina said, despite having heard her the first time.</p>
<p>"You look pale, Sweetheart." Dina reached out and cupped Ellie's cheek. "Are you okay?"</p>
<p>Ellie bit her lip and looked down. "I'm just tired. Long morning." She said softly as she scuffed her socked foot against the wooden floor. "I feel kinda sick." Her hand ghosted along her abdomen before it fell away to remain restless at her side.</p>
<p>"Just 'kinda'?"</p>
<p>Her hands fidgeted. "No." She sighed. "It freaked me out… having to get two needles jabbed into me." A look of defeat pressed down on her and Dina couldn't help but frown softly with sympathy and sadness for her partner. </p>
<p>"Do you wanna sit down for a while?" Dina asked.</p>
<p>"Kinda." Ellie sighed. "I'll be fine, I just… need a few minutes." </p>
<p>"How about upstairs in bed?" Dina offered.</p>
<p>"Yeah, that's good too." Ellie looked up wearily and offered a small smile.</p>
<p>"Alright, then. Let's go." She said, then gently towed Ellie along with her as she made her way upstairs.</p>
<p>Despite being the last upstairs, Ellie was the first in bed as Dina wanted to pull her outer clothing off first. Ellie liked the extra warmth so she kept her jacket on.</p>
<p>"Lay on your left side, Sweetheart. You and the babies get better blood flow that way." Dina reminded her as Ellie groaned softly to herself then turned over. She felt Dina climb in after her then as her arm fell gently across the swell of her abdomen. Ellie sighed when Dina let her hand explore the new expanse. </p>
<p>"I like this." Dina murmured.</p>
<p>"What do you mean?"</p>
<p>Dina huffed quietly with a smile. "I like it that I can feel your belly and know there's life under my hand aside from your own." Her voice was warm and gentle. "I remember that with JJ. I remember you doing the same." She hummed. "You could barely keep your hands off."</p>
<p>"Well yeah, because you were hot. You still are, no question about it, but it was just amazing to me how JJ started off so small and grew into <em>the</em> <em>loudest</em> Potato on earth."</p>
<p>Dina hummed and pressed a kiss to the back of Ellie's neck. "Your body is doing the same thing, baby, and I think of you the same way. It's even more amazing how you're carrying two at once; a little boy and a little girl." She smiled when Ellie brought her hand to meet her own. </p>
<p>"It's just… nerve-racking." Ellie said quietly. "I'm so worried that something is gonna happen, Dina. That something is gonna go wrong and turn me or them… I don't wanna hurt you or JJ or the babies and <em>I</em> don't wanna get hurt or die and leave all of you alone. I left you once and I'm <em>never</em> doing that again unless you tell me to. Every test they run or sample they take or experiment they do I worry that my immunity is gonna snap. It's messing with my head and I don't know… I don't know how to stop worrying about it because I know it's not good for these two." Ellie rubbed her thumb across her belly and sighed, closing her eyes to hopefully stop the tears from escaping.</p>
<p>"What if you talked to your therapist about this?" Dina suggested, scooting closer.</p>
<p>"I… never told her about… my bite." Ellie admitted softly. "I don't know if it's safe. I mean, I trust her and everything but…" she paused for a long while then let go of the breath she was holding. "I don't know. We don't need news of my immunity to get out. Best not to risk it."</p>
<p>"You need to talk to someone who can offer you help, though. I hate seeing you suffer like this." Dina murmured against her shoulder. </p>
<p>"I'm not suffering…" Ellie sounded a little bit petulant. </p>
<p>"You are and I'm worried about you. You shouldn't have to feel alone." She said softly. </p>
<p>"Dina…" Ellie began shakily. "I am the only one we know about in this world that has an immunity. I'm surprised I could even get pregnant in the first place, let alone on the first try. We ended up with twins and that's double the worry for me. The best we can hope for is that they come out healthy and safe. If we're lucky, immune as well. I am the only one going through this and I do feel alone because of that. I wouldn't be able to do any of this without you, though. I'm <em>so</em> scared…" she sank back against Dina, who adjusted her arms to better hold Ellie.</p>
<p>"I'm right here, Sweetheart. I'm not gonna go anywhere." She let her chin rest upon Ellie's shoulder. "You're doing so well, though. The babies are healthy. They look normal. Your levels are stable. Your body isn't fighting the infection, it's just living with you. In my mind, it's not going to flare up and get you. If it was, I think it would have happened the years ago in Seattle. You were under a lot of stress then. The immunity might be passed down to our little ones here because they've been in you since day one. They're living with the infection too and yet they're still growing healthily and normally according to both Wurlitzer and Read." Dina kissed her neck again then slid back a little bit, allowing her hands to find the base of Ellie's spine. She pressed her thumbs into the tightly knotted muscles, hoping to make the pain she knew Ellie was in a little bit less. "Please tell me when I can do something like this for you. Your back is very tight and I know that's painful to live with."</p>
<p>"Feels good…" Ellie murmured and Dina chuckled.</p>
<p>"Now you know how I felt when you did this for me." She kissed Ellie's neck again. "It's okay to ask me to do this for you. Whenever, wherever. M'kay?" </p>
<p>"Okay…" her words came softly and Dina understood she was asking Ellie to do something that sometimes made her uncomfortable. Ellie never liked to admit to being vulnerable or in pain and it made Dina worry about when it was time for the babies to enter the world.</p>
<p>"Good." Dina felt Ellie's body slowly begin to relax, and soon her breathing evened out into slow, deep draws. It wasn't long before Ellie was asleep and soon, the frown lines smoothed over as she fell deeper into the world of dreams.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello! Sorry I just stopped posting chapters for like... two weeks? I don't know, it feels like two weeks. I'm sorry about that. I kind of fell out of it and needed a break from writing, plus I'm working on school alongside this work as well as my others. My life feels really weird at the moment and I wish to get it back to normalcy (Pre-Covid and Post-Covid normalcy ended up pretty much the same for me, work and everything. Things just feel a little *off* right now). Hopefully my return to writing will help it. </p>
<p>I hope you all are well and I hope you've enjoyed this chapter!</p>
<p>-Lady Arlo</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Mirror Mirror</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ellie stared at her reflection. She wore only underwear and a bra. Nothing else. Well, her hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, but she wouldn't exactly call a hair tie an article of clothing.</p>
<p>Her shoulders drooped as she observed her figure and all the changes it had gone through in the past twenty weeks. <em>Twenty weeks.</em> </p>
<p>
  <em>Halfway through.</em>
</p>
<p>So much had happened. So much was different. She struggled to not curl up in a ball against the corner of the room when she felt the babies move. That was possibly the worst part, she decided. </p>
<p>She felt so guilty about it.</p>
<p>Her eyes welled with tears and she looked away. <em>Incompetent</em>, <em>failure, damaging, burden, insufficient, incapable, neglectful. Killer.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Monster. </em>
</p>
<p>She chewed on her lip and pulled a shirt over her head and shrugged into it. Dina had gotten her some bigger shirts that fit better, though no matter how hard Ellie tried, she couldn't hide the obviousness that had become of her pregnancy. It raised questions in Jackson's community, but most people didn't have it in them to ask. Those that did were either met by a stony gaze or a deflecting answer. Usually both. </p>
<p>"Hey." Dina said casually in her happy tones as she exited their bathroom, skin flush and glowing from the steamy heat. </p>
<p>"Hey." Ellie responded in the most positive tone she had. She wiped her eyes again, refusing to be seen like that- in her state of weakness.</p>
<p>"Everything okay?" Dina's warm arms wrapped around her, hands flattening over the expanse that had become her partner's abdomen. </p>
<p>"Uh, yeah." Ellie offered a smile. "Just… looking at the stretch marks." </p>
<p>"You're not self-conscious about them, are you?" Dina's eyes softened and she moved so her entire front was pressed to Ellie's back.</p>
<p>"What? N-no, of course not. They're just strange, I mean… my other scars don't look like these. These are… silver, sort of. Most of my scars healed with darkened skin. You know that, I suppose." </p>
<p>Dina smiled and kissed the back of Ellie's neck. "I do." She took the moment to appreciate her partner's natural scent. "Your skin has had to stretch so quickly and it's caused these little splits, sort of, in the places most affected." Dina peeled the shirt up slightly with her thumbs so her hands could press to Ellie's skin. "Are they moving?" She asked hopefully.</p>
<p>Ellie did her best to hide the fear she felt towards the question. She hoped Dina couldn't feel her racing heartbeat. "Uh… no. I think they might be sleeping. They seem to be active during the day versus night. I know JJ was the opposite way."</p>
<p>Dina huffed a laugh. "Oh, I know! He kept me up all night sometimes. I hope that doesn't happen to you, especially as they grow stronger. I'm worried about you not getting enough sleep."</p>
<p>"I'm alright, I'm alright." Ellie shooed. "Six hours is <em>fine</em>. Trust me. That's like… oversleeping for me."</p>
<p>"Well, I know you say that but maybe you're used to so little sleep that you don't know that you need eight hours." Dina stressed gently. </p>
<p>"I sleep during the day sometimes. That counts doesn't it?" Ellie asked, carefully pulling away so she could turn to face her partner. </p>
<p>"Mmh, I suppose it does." Dina smiled as she let her hands retake their place on Ellie's abdomen. </p>
<p>The taller of the two frowned with a smile. "Are you trying to wake them up?"</p>
<p>"Not really but I also <em>really</em> want to feel them move." She smiled gently. </p>
<p>"They're too small still. It'll be a little while, remember?" Ellie forced herself to smile. She felt horrible that she couldn't share in Dina's excitement. "It'll be here soon enough." And that day was the day Ellie was dreading. Guilt and shame squeezed her chest again, but she managed to hide it well. </p>
<p>"I can't wait." Dina smiled and brought her close to give her a quick hug. "I love you." She sighed softly. </p>
<p>"I love you too, babe." Ellie smiled a little more genuinely this time.</p>
<p>"Let me do something for you." Dina said as they pulled away from each other.</p>
<p>"What are you thinking?" She responded cautiously.</p>
<p>"Stretches. I know your back hurts."</p>
<p>Ellie frowned. "How do you know that?"</p>
<p>Dina looked pointedly at her. "I was pregnant once too."</p>
<p>"You were in pain and you <em>didn't tell me</em>?" Ellie said, concerned and she even sounded slightly angry.</p>
<p>"Same goes for you. You've probably been achy and uncomfortable for the past few weeks and you haven't said anything." </p>
<p>Ellie looked helpless. "Dina, I-" her voice cut off. "I have a hard time admitting to being in pain, it wasn't anything against you." </p>
<p>Dina softened. "Would you work on it for me? I don't want you to be in pain and I want to help if I can."</p>
<p>With a guilty nod, Ellie said she would. "I will…" </p>
<p>"Good." Dina smiled gently. "Now, arms up. Actually, come over to the doorway and hold onto it." She laid a hand on Ellie's back and guided her to the bathroom. They stopped at the entrance and Ellie was then told to hang lightly on the doorframe, hands spread to the farthest corners for the most support. She didn't want to break it by hanging on the weakest point.</p>
<p>"That feels good." Ellie sighed as she felt her back stretch and pull in all the right ways.</p>
<p>"See? Told you." Dina smirked as she let her hands massage circles into her partner's lower back and sides. </p>
<p>"You did tell me." With a small smile, Ellie nodded and rocked forwards, stretching her upper back. </p>
<p>"Careful now."</p>
<p>"I'm not gonna break." Ellie said as she straightened. </p>
<p>Dina huffed and stepped closer, then reached around to the front of Ellie's abdomen. "Can I try something?"</p>
<p>"What do you want to try?"</p>
<p>"I'm gonna lift those kiddos up off of you for a moment to give your back a break." </p>
<p>Ellie frowned. "Huh?"</p>
<p>"Let me just show you. Here, lean into me." </p>
<p>Ellie shrugged slightly then did as she was told, but let go of the door frame and allowed her arms to rest by her sides. Dina slid her hands to Ellie's front and tucked them under the swell of her abdomen, then gently lifted upwards. She smiled, knowing she was holding their children as well, then pressed a kiss to Ellie's neck.</p>
<p>"Thank you…" Ellie said softly when the pressure was lifted from her back and hips. "Why didn't you suggest doing this when you were pregnant? I would've done it for you…" she sounded a little bit hurt. </p>
<p>"Because I hadn't thought about it until recently. Doing this occurred to me the other day while I was at work, so before coming home I stopped by and asked Suzan if this was an okay activity. She said it was and that I should just be gentle with you. She told me about a few other things we can try so long as you're comfortable with trying new things."</p>
<p>Ellie nodded. "Okay. We'll uh… try in the morning."</p>
<p>Dina frowned at the soft waver in Ellie's tones. "Are you okay?" </p>
<p>"Yeah, I'm okay. It's just been a… not-so-good day and I'm kinda tired. That's all." She confessed.</p>
<p>"Did anything happen?" Dina sounded worried. </p>
<p>"No, no… I just… my mind's just been on edge all day and I've been fighting an episode. I just feel a little burned out, that's all."</p>
<p>Dina gently released the hold she had on her partner and let her hands go back to massaging the areas around Ellie's lower spine. "Do you wanna talk about it? I'm here." </p>
<p>"Uh… not really, no. Thank you, though. I might take you up on that later." Ellie offered a smile. It was more for herself than Dina at that point.</p>
<p>"Okay… I just… you're not alone in this. I'm here. I want you to know that."</p>
<p>Ellie nodded. "You remind me every day… it's just hard to talk about it sometimes."</p>
<p>"I understand, Sweetheart." Dina whispered. "To bed?"</p>
<p>"Mhm." Ellie hummed and followed her.</p>
<p>They settled down together and Dina made it her top priority to help Ellie get comfortable, which consisted of a lot of pillows tucked around her body. Once the task was complete, Dina turned off the lights and climbed back into bed, settling herself next to Ellie, a gentle hand splayed across her swollen middle. With a soft sigh and a brief pause, Dina smiled. "You're doing good, though. I want you to know that. I know it's hard, but we'll get through it together, alright? It's gonna be okay." She leaned over and kissed Ellie's forehead.</p>
<p>With a soft frown and hidden guilt in her eyes, Ellie nodded. "I trust you." </p>
<p>"Good, now try to sleep. You need rest." Dina found her hand and squeezed it gently. </p>
<p>Ellie squeezed back. "Thank you for earlier. That helped a lot with the pain."</p>
<p>"Then we'll do it often."</p>
<p>"I don't want to inconvenience you." </p>
<p>"Ellie." Dina said sternly. "<em>None</em> of this is an inconvenience. Gah, how can you think that?" She recoiled.</p>
<p>"I didn't mean it like <em>that</em>. I just… I'm so negative about this whole thing that I think it's rubbing off on you and JJ. I don't want him to think pregnancy is a bad thing; it's not, I'm just…" she shrank back. "I don't know." She sighed. "I appreciate you and everything you're doing for me, <em>especially </em>when it gets hard. I don't know how to thank you."</p>
<p>"Ellie…" Dina's voice was soft. "What's going on, is everything okay?" </p>
<p>Forcing her eyes to lighten, Ellie nodded. "I mean… other than the aches and pains and fatigue, I'm fine. Just a little anxious about… motherhood and birth and everything. It doesn't feel real half the time despite…" she let her hand rest against her swollen middle. "And then they move and it brings the reality back down on me. I'm going to give birth to two children. <em>Two </em>living things. Dina, I've killed so many people, in what way do I deserve to <em>bring life </em>into this world? Fuck, we don't even know if this is gonna work. They might be stillborn for all I know. The infection in my body is potent. If it doesn't kill them while they're in me, I don't know how long they'll have to live out here."</p>
<p>"Ellie you can't think like that." Dina said gently. "Suzan said their levels are fine, <em>your </em>levels are fine. They're gonna be okay, and <em>yes,</em> you <em>do </em>deserve this. You've spent so much time dedicated to recovering. You've done so well in therapy. You've grown so much and if the vaccine is successful, you'll be saving so many more lives. There is hope, baby." She scooted closer and wrapped Ellie in her arms, holding her in a secure embrace. "I love you." </p>
<p>"I love you too." Ellie responded quietly. She wished Dina could help her, but the struggles of her mind seemed like something only she could handle.</p>
<p>She clung tightly to Dina as if their embrace is what would keep her above water. Maybe it would for another night. Maybe it would.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm so sorry you guys, it's been a crazy few weeks and I haven't had much time to write! I know this chapter is sort of short, but I hope you liked it. I'll be posting again sometime soon, which is good considering it's taken me just shy of two months to post another update! </p>
<p>See you soon!<br/>-Lady Arlo</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, there it is in all of it's shortness. I know it's an odd concept and there are a lot of holes so far that I will fill in as I write this, however, I find it compelling and my hope is that you do as well :)</p><p>-Lady Arlo</p></blockquote></div></div>
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